Monday, January 30, 2006


So this is what a $75,000 Volkswagen looks like in my driveway. I do want you to note that the value of the car is nearly equal to that of the house of which it is parked in front of. So tell me, would you buy a $75,000 VW? I remember my cousin David had a Tarhole Blue VW Beetle that was missing part of the floor board and the front seat would throw you back when he took off from the stop light. THAT WAS A VW!!! The Phaeton is only a direct competitor with one car, the Audi A8 of which they share the same motor, the same chassis, the same wheelbase, and the same window sticker, that begs the question.... WHY MAKE IT?

I think I got it

I may have learned how to post pictures. That is Twink... say hi.... "Meow!"

So she hasn't mastered English.

Stoopid Germans

Power Steering Lines - $615
Oil Level Sensor- $375
Sunroof Shade - $1,015
Left Xenon Headlight - $224
Right Xenon Headlight - $224
Owning a BMW = Priceless

Monday, January 23, 2006

Steelers Win!

So I watched my Pittsburgh Steelers beat the shit out of the Broncos. What a good game, dominated early, held of the surge, and put them away when they had the chance. Way to go! I went to Sara and Tim's which seems to have become my Sunday tradition. Amanda did not join, she was playing catch up with some lesson plans as she begins to take over Jovanna's classroom this week. Good luck babe!

My friend Anna brought over a guy she went on her first date with last night, but it was someone who you will know. There are only about 3 people who read this blog, so I know you all know who Brent "Bandy-Boo" O'Brian is from the Matt & Ramona show. Yeah, so in odd circumstance, I sat next to him and watched the Panther's have their asses handed to them on a platter by a bunch of teal-clad Seahawks. He just hurt his thumb yesterday so he was on pain medication and then he drank some beer. Wasn't quite the talkative guy I expected, but he looked high as a kite. Nice man though.

I feel bad for Tim though, he got to watch me celebrate, make bragging phone calls, get congratulatory phone calls, all the spoils that go to the victor. I watched his team get beat from pillar to post and 8 beers into the night think of something sensitive and nice to say. I offended everyone but him, that WAS the best I could do.

My apologies go to:

Erin- you are not fat, anyone though who will not leave the nachos long enough to have a conversation in the other room can be called one of the two fat kids, I was the other.

Bandy- Uh, just because I said Laura Paulka (Channel 9 news) has a "face for radio" does not imply that all who are in radio are ugly.

Anna- Damn, I didn't know Trixie I had died, so when you referred to Trixie, I didn't know about Trixie II and was caught off guard, my bad.

This was fun night, I wish Amanda had been there to celebrate the Steelers Glory, but she is required by "girlfriend law" to make it to the big game. GO STEELERS!!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Temper Tantrum Tuesday

Just a little tardy on today's Temper Tantrum Tuesday. Oh the inspirations..... um, its a gimme, c-mon folks.... Panther's fans. Not the Providence H.S. Panthers, not the University of Pittsburgh Panthers, but the Carolina Panthers fans. I know the weather is mild, but Panther fans put real meaning into the term "fair weather fans." These are the same people who sold out the first games last season because they were just in the Super Bowl, then when it looked like they were barely going to make the playoffs, you couldn't give away your tickets to anyone. Now that the Panthers are in the NFC title game, the whole city of Charlotte is acting like they have been on board the entire time. Yeah, I am talking to you Mr. Ford Expedition with two flags in the window, a PSL, and a pre-game barbeque but can't name a player who doesn't have a jersey in the Panther Store. Now my friend Tim, he is as dedicated as they come.... but he does't even go to games. My team, the Steelers, and I am maybe the least dedicated Steelers fan there is but I do know that even in the pre-season it is hard to step into Heinz Field with a game ticket. If Carolina, and especially Charlotte wants to act like it is a sports town... we need to start selling some Checker's tickets, the best basketball in town is off of highway 49, and will someone please go to a Bobcats game so that the arena I voted against will have some warm seats.... I HATE CHARLOTTE!!!! Why can't I move? (another Temper Tantrum, hmmm, maybe next week... look forward to 10 reasons why I want to leave Charlotte.)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Buyer Speak

Buyer Speak: As most know, I am a professional car buyer. I spend a lot of money, really fast, and then I have to account for it. In a business environment, communication is key. So why do people within a profession speak in acronym? I love clarity. TGIF, RSVP (the French are assholes), FUBAR, speak English people. In my field though I have fallen victim not only to acronymitis, but I have coined my own phrases for car terms and picked up a few along the way. A fellow buyer whom I spent a lot of time mentoring when he was in training said to me today after I blurted out one of my buyer-only-vernacular word, "Jon, the reason I like going to an auction with you is to see what new phrases you will come up with." Eli, here's to you. A list of some car buying term and their definitions in italics. (note the uselessness, they are usually longer than the term they replace, maybe a slight interpretation too!)

Hole In The Head- a sunroof
Slick Top- no sunroof
Cow Hydes- leather seats
High Rubber or Deep Donuts- new tires
Hand Shaker- Manual Transmission (think of the action of shaking a hand, you'll get it)
Stampies- those wheels that aren't hubcaps, but aren't alloys (steel stamp wheels)
Lumpy- less than 10k miles per model year (means Low Miles Per Model Year)
Tits & Ass- Trans Am, where is my Mullet?
Party Girl Evidence- those 1,000+ little scratches around the door, indicates that the driver is too intoxicated to find the key hole.
Kitty Cooker or Baby Baker- a minivan or SUV without privacy glass (tinted windows)
Shorty- a short wheelbase van or truck
Four Wheels Diggin'- 4 wheel drive, two wheels diggin' for 2 wheel drive
Slider- power driver's seat

If you want, post comments or questions, I would like to know what industry specific terms or (funny) acronyms do you use on a daily basis that anyone outside your office/classroom/house/whereverthehellyouwork use.

Temper Tantrum Tuesday

Temper Tantrum Tuesday: Well, once again I have to rely on late inspiration for my Tirade of the week. In the immortal words of Flava Flav and Chuck D. (Public Enemy for you white kids) "Man, Fuck the Po-Lice>" Matthews cops have a chip the size the size of Mint Hill on their shoulder, and much like the paint chips we all ate in elementary school, they are lead based chips. I have personally been pulled once by a Matthews cop, all bent out of shape over me going too fast in a parking lot. Amanda, in the last 6 months has been pulled over twice by these Super Troopers. They pulled her tonight for a nice rolling stop, which granted is illegal, but at 8:30pm with on one in the intersection, isn't there someone in the downtown area breaking into the antiques store that you need to worry about? Now, she got a warning, and much to her credit, the officer made the right choice... But what's with the attitude? Why is it that cops feel good about catching you, yes I know it is your job to enforce the laws, the laws are rules. But the spirit of the rule, not the rule, is in the mantra the men and women in blue repeat often and you can never miss on NBC every night of the week (Law & Order). That mantra is "to protect and serve." Now the rule says you should come to complete stop at a stop sign. By that sense, Amanda broke the rule, guilty. But the spirit of the law is to protect, was Amanda in any danger? Did she pose a threat by pulling a Fred Durst (keep rollin' rollin' rollin')? Uh, no. So to any respected members of the force who will be severely offended by this tantrum, uh, my bad, but fuck the police!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Friendly Friday

Friendly Friday: Sara. Sara I would say is the bestust friend. I have known Sara for about 7 years I guess. I met her during my senior year of high school, well the summer between my senior year and my frosh year of college. She and I were instant pals, she was dating my friend Nick, who warned her about his "gay" friend that wasn't. Sara is the reason I have a college degree. She has her place on that nice piece of paper hanging in the hallway of my house. We fought through relationships, classes, community service, heartaches, annoying friends, and various other problems that popped up in life. Sara was a naive girl when I met her, now she is a mature, gorgeous, wife to Tim. I would say we watched each other grow up, but that would assume that I am grown up and I think that is a bit much to say. Sara is very important to me because she has always expected a lot of my, and sometimes I would let her down, but she loves me unconditionally and I have needed that at every point in my life, from then, and even more now. Ultimately, Sara is the reason some people still call me JB.

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Feature. Friendly Fridays!!! I will be spotlighting one of the spot lights of my life. My friends and family are superb and wonderful people. I picked most of them, some I didn't, but above all, I would trade none of them. I want to share stories and backgrounds so maybe you will get to know them better too.
Today Amanda and I went to the Checkers game (they won in penalty shots, cool) and it was our first foray into the new Bobcats Arena! Very cool. Since you last read my blog, many a cool thing has happened. We went to Washington D.C. (a.k.a. Woorshingtun a la ReRe and Grandma) to visit Amanda's Aunt Claire. Joining us in D.C. was Amanda's mother, Reatha. We stayed in a Candlewood Suites not too far from her Aunt's house and we got to get some good sleeping in.
On Friday we had our Chaunnkawanzachristakuhmas and I got some cool stuff. I good some much needed grilling tools and 3 books. The first is "The Truth.. With Jokes" by Al Franken, the second is "The World is Flat: A Brief History of the World" by Thomas Friedman, and last but most important is "The Good Life" by Peter Gomes. I read some parts of it this summer in church, our pastor preached from it. I think it will take the better part of 2006 to finish reading all of these, I take a long time to read a book.
Back to the trip, we went to Red Lobster and went Shopping at Tyson's Corner, L.L.Bean store is like heaven to Amanda and I. I got a cool soft shell jacket on sale and a sweater, she purchased a nice suitcase on sale as well. We spent the rest of the evening playing Clue, reminiscing, Cranium, and Law & Order. At 1am we finally called it a night.
So the next day (Dec 31st)we continued shopping after some heavy Mexican food. Capped it off with a nice dinner and Amanda and I were off for Pee Wee's big adventure. We drove into Crystal City and parked, hopped on the ole Blue line headed for the west side of D.C. There were lots of different and diverse kinds of people. All with one common goal.... TO GET DRUNK ON NEW YEARS EVE. There were a lot of successful people in D.C. last night, except the President, he is a failure and a looser. We got off at Foggybottom and caught a shuttle bus to Georgetown. Wow what a cool place to be, and what a fantastic environment. It was like the Santa Monica of the east coast. We went to a piano bar named Mr Smith's and enjoyed libation and Billy Joel cover tunes in the comfort of friend(s). Namely Emily, one of my dearest friends who happens to be a grad student and George Washington University. On the way back, the successfully drunk were in rugged shape. We made it back to the hotel room safely.
The next day we headed back home and apart from a little traffic and a near brush with a VA Trooper it was a uneventful trip home.

Going forward I will try to limit my posts to a story or two, not a rambling post-itinerary. Thanks for reading this crap. ~JB~