I cannot be creative at home.

I used to think of all these things I could do, creative things.  I would design a complete room in my head, using existing furniture, something new and different.  As soon as I walk through the door and get to the task of putting my plan in action, something horrible happens.  Each and every time I get a creative thought in my head, it is gone.  

The culprit is the door jamb.  Some mystical magnesium or ironic iron exists only in the door jambs of my house, not allowing those ideas to come to fruition.  There have been really thoughtfully laid out blog posts about my looming mid-life crisis or some eloquently crafted anti-right-wing argument that have all been zapped by the rectangular mind eraser.  It is like Q raised his wand thingy in front of my face and erased my thoughts on what it means to live in suburbia in Charlotte.  

The issue is not if this happens, I have researched the issue greatly and my boring blog is proof enough that it does happen.  The issue is why this happens.  Either I am too afraid to share with you what I want to write, or my prevailing and biggest lead on the case, that my mind is too lazy to hold the thoughts in long enough to get them all down into a word processor.  A mind is a terrible thing to waste, logically, my wasteful mind is just plain terrible. 

I am lazy, so I bore myself with play by play accounts of what has or what is going to happen.  Like a thirteen year old girl scribbling in her diary about how Johnny Footballhero winked at her in the hall and commented on how good her hair smelled.  Written words are so hard to pull a tone out of the Times New Roman, but I am breathing heavily as a I write this because I am so pissed at myself for being this way.  Alas I am.  

Please comment with the movie and song referenced in this post... please do not look at the comments until you bother to at least guess.

Your cheatin' heart....

today I was mad unfaithful to the diet today, for really the first time.  I am in the middle of week seven so I suppose it is not bad.  I have slipped of the diet but with moderation and good decision making I continued to loose weight.  

Today, I got a buzz from IKEA and ate an entire lunch, meatballs, mash potatoes, I had regular mountain dew also.  Amanda and I had our taxes done today and went to Chick Fil A afterwards because I had to be at a basketball game and we were under the time gun.  I did get the grilled chicken sandwich, the healthy option.  I did not chose the healthier side options, I got fries.  I did however have Diet Dr. Pepper and I did not use dipping sauce, I so suppose there was some restraint.  While Amanda and I discussed money, the economy, etc, I ate three of her chicken strips taking what had been good portion control and throwing it out the window.  

I think I was feeling bad today, about myself, life, all that.  That is why I eat, I was completely incapable of making a solid decision today. I only say this in retrospect, but I just had a bad day.  I bought a lot of stuff at IKEA that we didn't need.  When I am upset, I binge shop.  I will be returning that stuff tomorrow.  Then I ate and ate, like an idiot.  I feel a little better now, mostly on the high of my Niners beating #16 Xavier tonight at a crowded Halton Arena.  I posted this tonight party out of accountability.  If I am going to reach my goals, I need support, I need to be accountable to bad decisions that I make.  I owed you, my supporting public an explanation.  My bad y'all.  Tomorrow, I will be productive, smart, and responsible.  Tomorrow will be a lot of fun.