What am I, 19? I have a lot of male friends, most of them in a +/- 3 year range of my own age. I am the ONLY one who does not have any sort of body clock. I sleep until something wakes me up, I stay awake until I have to sleep. Usually, it works as 18 hours on then 12 hours off (sleep). I wish we had a 30 hour day. Sunday night I slept for 4 hours, that usually doesn't bother me but I was tired all day yesterday, I tried to take a nap, but as usual, I couldn't. I went to bed at 9:30pm and woke up this morning at 11:00am... 13.5 hours of sleep and I was still groggy. I set the alarm but didn't turn it on. My biggest beef is that my friends "naturally" get up at 7 or 8 and being that I went to bed that early, shouldn't I just wake up after 10 hours of sleep? I can't wait to grow up.

While I was driving.

Whilst I was driving to Fayetteville today I got to take 74 through the lower-middle part of North Carolina. I remember driving this route often when my grandmother lived in Lake Waccamaw. I struck me how further dilapidated the section between Wingate and Laurinburg had gotten. This area was a very agricultural based economy with manufacturing towns in between the fields. The common theme is the towns have been decentralized and the big box retailers have sucked the business out of the downtown areas. There are really cool, full brick, two story buildings completely unused. I hate to see it, but so is the modern economy.

The cost of Grad School

I have a little break in my first semester of B-school while the pre-req course covers economics. I was at least able to get those done as an undergrad. I thought this would be a great time to reflect on my firs three weeks and figure out what I need to do or change going forward.

I have learned the true cost of this venture. Not only financial, that burden isn't too tough to bear thanks to my fortunate position of being gainfully employed. I also have some reimbursement coming later from the company, so I am hooked up there. I am more referencing the other costs, the kind you cannot add on my TI-83.

I was participating in three different sports leagues, that has whittled down to one, just softball. Even in that one, there is a reluctance to go because of the homework load I bear. I have not been able to hang out with family and friends. Though only two evenings, it presses everything I would have done into the the other 3 weeknights, this really limits time with others. The worst parts have been not being able to go to my family immediately after hearing of my grandmother's death... I went to class first. Add to that I am not really active in my MINI club, front porch sitting in the neighborhood is a rare occurrence, and worst of all I have gone days without seeing Amanda.

But.... ON THE BRIGHT SIDE... I am learning a lot. I am willing to pay all the cost if it means I will be equipped to lead and develop business in the future. The hope is I can make a small investment in misery now so that I can withdraw an enormous amount of quality of life later. I hope it all pays off.

Moving on to what I need to do going forward, simple, don't loose focus. I have set up a good rhythm to being a student and I need not skimp on effort. Unlike previous academic endeavors, this one is less about the piece of paper and more about learning. I need to make sure that I leave able to do a fantastic job, so I can land a fantastic job, and help my family lead a fantastic life. That is the great hope of it all for me.

Grandma Grace

A year ago today the United States government took over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and I was so worried about what was to happen in the coming years. I didn't realize how unimportant those thoughts were until I got a phone call from my brother to tell me my Grandma Grace had passed away. In between work and class I called my cousin to let him know, I called my mom and my aunt to talk to them too. I went over to her house after class and then stayed at my mom's until midnight. I don't know what if any good I could do, but just being around feels purposeful.

Grandma Grace is technically my ex-grandmother-in-law-once-removed or something... in my family, that means she was my grandmother, and I her grandson. She never treated me any differently either. I remember in the mid-90's when there was a chance for all the kids of her 5 children to be in one photo, she refused to pose unless my brother and I were in it too, we would not be excluded. Grace was diminutive, but forceful, she was soft spoken, but opinionated. Later in life she was dependent, but fiercely independent.

I smile and cry tonight thinking of just a few weeks ago, I was trying to help her get into an Expedition and she slipped off the running board and bumped her leg. She was upset but not at me, she was mad at the "adults" who decided she should ride in that "stupid thing." She sent me a card saying as much, just to make sure I didn't feel bad. When she moved to Charlotte a while back I felt lucky to have a grandparent, after all mine are dead, save for one with Alzheimer's. I loved talking to her about her past, raising 5 kids as a widow, the history she saw. She left me, us, with a smile, literally. Proper, I will remember my pretty little lady just like that.