Monday, November 13, 2006

Why Doesn't Jon Blog Anymore?

I have been thinking about the answer to that question for a while now. Obviously, in the last 6 weeks or so I have not been inspired, motivated, or even thoughtful enough to blog with regularity. During the day, when I get thoughts or ideas, I have full intentions of jotting it down, to no avail. To my loyal fan(s), uh, my bad, if this were a pay service I would gladly refund your money. I have come up with some conclusions on why this is happening.

MySpace / Time Management:

I spend way too much time on myspace and do not allocate enough time to blog. I was spending between 30-60 minutes a night on myspace where I used to spend my valuable Internet time sharing with you fine folks on blogger. My time-management opportunities reach further than just with my myspace. I have noticed a trend in my blog when I am on the Butler Auto Auction schedule, I don't blog nearly as much. I know I only spend one night a week in PA but it throws the rhythm of my life off. My laundry, cleaning, yard, all go to waste because I am away from the house. I also feel like I neglect Amanda during these times, between blogger and Amanda, she wins. (She went to bed at 9pm tonight {Sunday} and will wake up early, I will go to work at 1 {at S. Blvd.} and be home at 9:45 or later, she will be asleep and will wake the next morning before I do, and I fly out to Pittsburgh. My return flight will be back after she goes to bed so even though I am only gone one night, we will go from Sunday night to Thursday night without seeing each other {awake} now isn't that nuts). On top of that, I have Charlotte 49er's Basketball season tickets, I have DUMC softball, and I still like to pretend that I have friends. My dad asked me the other day if I missed college that much, the thing I miss most are my friends. It was nice to have a common locale, goals, focus, and center-of-life to revolve around. I live few miles from Dhara, Sara, and many others, yet see them too seldom.

Jon Management

The second is an internal issue. Even though I am loosing weight, looking better, and physically feeling better, it hasn't really equated to me feeling better about myself. I have found that Weight Watchers helps you focus on yourself a lot, we discuss how weight loss is all about us and no one else. It changes your mindset a bit and I swear I feel a bit more selfish. Not only that, I am much more introspective, critiquing not only my eating habits, but my lifestyle in general. I have felt a slight drop in self-esteem (I guess it is not correlated to self-image because I feel good about the way I look) and though I am not massively depressed or hating life, I don't even hate me, I just don't feel that I have anything to say to anyone. This is the long point I have been trying to get at" I don't feel that I have much to write that you want to read.

Some time ago I put a counter on my blog that I have since removed. I got many more hits than I would have ever expected. The reason I wrote this blog, and now this entry, is to show me that I need to keep a journal of my feelings. My friend Lisa has taught me a lesson (with her marriage) about making sure your feeling are transparent to those you love. I want this journal of my life to be accurate, for me. For a while I was concerned and I would edit based on who I thought was reading my blog. That is nuts!!! Going forward, I will try to write as though I am the only one who will ever read this blog.

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